sábado, mayo 30, 2009

Life in which everything is somewhat off


Spending a week in Tokyo every 2 months seems to be something rather extravagant for most people here. I admit that it does cost tons of money since me going there isn't just the traditional sightseeing. It involves going out to restaurants (which I never do in Taipei because I hate the whole cater-to-the-local-taste business strategy), theatre (which I never do in Taipei because either you get really blasé Andrew Lloyd Webber cat-and-chandelière-capades or plays in Chinese that seems to not have any acting), and stores (which I rarely do because nothing interests me here; clothes don't fit me in taste, size, and price, electronics are designed in awful motifs at outrageous price, books are, well, I don't read Chinese books, period). In short, I don't have a life here. I may go out to a bar owned by friends once in awhile to see friends who are also otaku-prone just to catch up and listen to laughters and rants in person. That means that I must GET a life every 2 months, or be thrown into a looney bin.

I seriously don't know how people deal with life here, but I serious rather be inside my own flat where it doesn't seem to have anything that'd really remind me of actually living in Taipei, save the small things lying around like phone bills.

Life already kind of sucks as it is. On top of that, things are going to weird directions with unexpected events turning up about once a month. The last one in the circle of friends I first discovered 7 years ago is ready to go, with rather a rather unpleasant end to a chapter of that person's life. I am more shocked than the my friend in question and I'm thinking, "Crap, there's no such thing as happy ending. Ever!" Unable to accept the reality, I find myself doubting everything and everyone more than previous years. How many times have I seen this? Like once a year or something. I'm starting to think that I'm the maudit ami. Perhaps I shouldn't befriend with anyone. That said, nothing good happens to me, either.

Something is just really off. I did attempt to change attitude, blah blah blah. I'm not going to listen to what those with positive-thinking want to say to me. It's all blah blah blah, in different languages.

Good thing for endless work and annoying clients from some big Japanese corporation with incomprehensible projects that need to be done by someone who cares for nothing. Actually, me lie, I do care for earning enough so that I can afford those plane tickets and other life necessities (not deemed essential by others, but are good to my mental health).

But everything else is off. Really off. As soon as I step outside this flat, the off-ness is unbearable.

Pretending only works so far...Moving is an option, but I'm lazy. I like being lazy and ranting about everything else.

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