90s

So, the stupid horoscope is right. i keep thinking about the 90s which also happen to be my college years. I talked to dawn about dating and how it's ok to have a college mind when dealing with a matter like a crush but she also warned me not to go all the way back to high school because it's just not right for someone turning 30.

I must admit I'm very confused. Being like 18 or 19 at heart yet my head is over 30 (it went over 30 years ago). On top of that, I have a difficult time talking about relationships or dating in Chinese. I feel a lot more comfortable talking about it in English. I didn't know what that is until Dawn reminded me that all the experience I've had was in English. Do languages matter that much? I believe so. I cannot express my true feelings unless it's in English. It's like me losing my temper; when I start speaking English, that means I'm really mad.

So, grow up and be a man. That's what Dawn said to me. Well, I know I'm supposed to do but I just can't do it. Part of me is too afraid to get hurt; part of me just wants to get on with things. Complicated. It shouldn't be but I'm complicating matter on my own. I really wish I could be a simpler person.