Mystery of Ga-ga

Perhaps over worked for the past week, I seem unable to settle down and relax even though today is my regular day-off.

Didn't get to sleep because couldn't.
Didn't eat properly as I'd normally do.
Didn't think properly until putting Saint Etienne's music on (Oozekitaku's music is too joyful for the day like this, I can actually smell the lawn today; it takes me back).

A lot of people have commented on how I don't listen to more music. I never know what to say to that. But I figured it out this morning. I'm trying to keep the unpleasant past alive. Well, unpleasant at the end but the process was worth it, I suppose.

Got a SMS from Jim. Didn't know what to say to him. Nothing really changes for me here. Life's become rather monotonous. It's the first time I'm delaying my reply to him only because I don't want to write a banal message.

Had a bit of a chat with a friend's friend. Talked about Jim and realized I'm blocked. It seems as if, no, it is true that I have got myself stuck in this place for over 10 years now. Unable to get out, unable to advance to the next stage. All those people leaving me (or me leaving them) did more damage to me than to them.

So, ga-ga. I don't know how this works but the only person who's able to get me out of it isn't here to help me out. I've got to deal it on my own. But I hate doing it on my own. I am lazy. I am dependant when it comes to sentiments.

Ga-ga rarely happens. It'd be nice to have if I knew how to get myself in and out properly. Who wouldn't like to have ga-ga?

I think I need a little holiday get-away badly. Thought about going over to Singapore last weekend but trash throwing schedule sort of prevented me from doing so (don't ask). I simply need to go to a place where I can contemplate. I can't do it here.

Daily escapades to the Kingdom of Loathing. Dawn got me in there. Nice to be part of the Kingdom. I can't contemplate there, either, but I am distracted for a good part of the night. It won't last too long, I suppose since it's the Kingdom, not the real world.